Cherishing The Time of My Struggle

Yes, I was there where some of you are right now. And my life struggle is not over yet, it won’t be over until I die. But as long as we live, no matter what happens in our lives we always keep moving forward to the next phase. While we work very hard to get our next goal, as soon as we get it, we human beings are so ungrateful that we get used to it very fast. We always think, “Okay, now what’s next?” But seldom we reflect on how far we have come in life.

Right now as I am writing this, I am sitting on my bed in a super tiny studio apartment in San Diego. I am a single lady, thinking of my next move in life. I want to find a good life partner and get married. How long do I want to live alone and pay high rent? It is time to get a house and start a family.

As I plan forward for my next life events- I feel slightly impatient. But as of right now-I finished an electrical engineering degree from a pretty well-known school in my career field, bagged a wonderful-stable-career job, got almost a couple of years worth of experience doing the dream stuff I once aspired to do. I am independent and no one is there to tell me what to do with my life.

Right now I am recalling one of those evenings after my graduation. I dipped my feet in the Jacuzzi of our apartment complex, looking at my phone but not really looking, my mind was racing with anxiety of the unknown. I was thinking, “What will happen to me? Why am I not getting any responses from those companies-especially the DoD jobs? How long do they take? Am I already rejected? I had to borrow money from my mom to pay the next month’s bill. How long will this continue?” I breathed a sigh of grief-the one that takes you to the path of depression, the one that makes you feel that none of your attempts are apparently working.

Long story short-I came far far away from that point. And I had many countless of these struggles in my life. I think I should write a series on just those high and low points in my life. No one would believe but deep down, even when things were not working the way I expected-I knew that at the end I will be fine. I always believed in some kind of an end game. If it did not ended well-to me that is not the end. You gotta have trust in something-in you, in God or whatever. I always had trust in God almighty’s master plan- the one that he created for me.

If I knew back then what I have achieved now, I would not spend my free time in tension and anxiety. Instead I would cheer myself up with a pat in the back. I would tell myself that I am doing great and I am portraying the best example of me while struggling.

If I am still alive and well a few years from now, probably I will be upset with my child or my hubby with something trivial and probably I will forget that once I had desired for this very moment in my life. Now that I know from my past experience, instead of being stressed I am enjoying this moment of uncertainty.