opinion – My World

How I Deal With Toxic People & How You Should NOT

There are gazillions of posts and videos online about how to deal with toxic or negative people in your life. Today I will share my own perspective as an INTJ-A type female on how to deal with those “bad hombres” (saying it like our beloved(!) US president Donald J. Trump). But I do not recommend these same methods for you since they might turn your life upside down. My life is fine since it is already upside down! So read with a touch of humor and follow if needed with your own discretion.

Note:

If you are not familiar with 16 MBTI personality types, particularly INTJ-A/T types and what it means to be an INTJ-A female then click all the hyperlinks on this sentence that I have provided, although there are tons of information about this topic online.

My definition of toxic people might differ from yours. I label people as toxic or negative- who always have this ambiguous negative vibe about them, they are manipulative, has very high ego, they think they are always right, way too judgmental about others, jealous about others success/progress, selfish people who act altruistic, bullying others and always complaining and gossiping about others.

So without any further ado let’s get to the point on how to deal with them-

Ignore toxic people like plague and admit it when confronted

Yes, ignore toxic people like they don’t exist and make them second guess themselves about their own existence. So if they ask you why you are trying to ignore them, let them know in precise words why. Be brutally honest and show your detail analysis with appropriate data and chart- why you think they are bad people or what they have done wrong.

2. Show how much you (don’t) give a f**** about toxic people’s opinion

Yes, please! When manipulative people try to give you some bad advice as if they are in control of your life, tell them, “my life totally revolves around your opinion” and give this expression of the above GIF, unless you have a chance to get beaten up. Yes, people will call you a rude, sarcastic b****. But if you don’t care in the first place about people’s approval then you should not get offended.

3. F**** their bad vibes

Yes, screw bad people’s bad vibes by telling them, “I get a negative vibe from you, are you a good person or are you acting like one !?” At best, give them bad vibes back.

4. Speak sarcasm fluently

Yes, they say-“when you cannot convince them, confuse them”. So be diplomatic like everyone else. But if that is not your thing then, play dark humor with crude smile each time and measure toxic people’s intelligence level.

5. Be downright confrontational

This is too dangerous even as a humor! No, not like this picture above-but when none of the above method works and it is time for you to get to the point- then with your thorough patience and impeccable logic confront the bad people. Intimidate the f**** outta them and make them defeated. In fact, keep doing that until bad people stop bothering you with their bad presence.

Disclaimer:

This post should not be taken seriously.

Another weird but useful post just for you:

INTJ Daily Communication Hack

Introducing an eBook For INTJ

Thought of The Night- Parallel Reality

9:06 PM

10/26/2016

If you are not familiar with the concept of Parallel Reality, read that post and also check Cynthia Sue Larson‘s page. The reason why I am sharing her link is that so far I have found her way of describing parallel reality somewhat convincing. I am not getting paid to endorse her or anything.

I was watching one of her interviews on YouTube one day where she talked about small anomalies in our daily lives which are probably the result of parallel shifting or reality jumping. For example, suppose you firmly believe you must have placed your matching socks at the same place. But you end up finding them in different places. Or you did not find your car keys where you usually keep them etc. You later think you might just have forgotten or were not paying enough attention. But you might have made reality jumps! Sounds fascinating. Isn’t it?

About a couple of months ago. One day I lost my locker key at work. We are not allowed to bring personal devices inside the lab. We have to put our phones outside in lockers. Each locker has a key to it. So we keep the key until we get out of the workspace and take our private belongings back from the locker. I am one of those people who have great memories and I usually do not forget any details. It is very unlikely of me to lose focus and forget what I was doing. Just like the other days, I had put the key in my pocket after putting my purse in the locker. Then when I came back I didn’t find my key in my pocket and just to be sure I went back to the bathroom, cafeteria, office desk, lab, etc. I thoroughly checked but nope, just didn’t find it. The manager opened the locker with his common key, so it was resolved. But I cannot forget, where did the key go? This is a small incident but it bothers me.

On September 7, I wished my co-worker a happy birthday and he said his birthday was a few weeks ago. But one day at lunch I remember he mentioned his birthday was on September 7.

Now probably I forget things way too often then I think. Probably we are not shifting between parallel realities. But what if we are actually? The reason why this concept bothers me is the word “parallel”. Way too many physicists are now claiming that parallel universes exist.

My point is that even if they do, they cannot collide because they are parallel to each other like layers unless there is some sort of wormhole.

So in order to physically move from one parallel universe to another, you must go through a wormhole. It also does make sense that our doppelgangers might be simultaneously existing in all these different universes and only our current state of awareness can move from one parallel universe to another without physically making that shift. But the question is how?

Cynthia Sue Larson claims that just by having an open mind and imagining a doorway to another parallel universe one can shift through time and space. If you need another new age life hack positivity trick, this might work for you. But there is a difference between imagining yourself to be the best of “you” from another parallel reality than jumping to a reality where everything has slightly changed including you.

Now I am watching this video which explains everything better:

Science has not proven this theory yet. What is your take on this topic? Have you ever experienced slight shifts in your realities?

Thought of The Night (about reincarnation)

Yes, not a thought of the day. Every day I plan at work, when I get home I will finish a lot of housekeeping tasks. But when I finally get home, after taking a shower and having dinner, I lose all the energy. I just feel like curling up on the bed while reading something or writing something in my diary. Recently I have started blogging. But I leave story/article writing for the weekends. So I have decided to write “thought of the night” before going to bed (once in a while at least, if not regularly).

10/18/2016

9:02 PM

I do not believe in reincarnation. But in physics, according to the law of conservation of energy,

“Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it transforms from one form to another.”

We are all made out of energy. Our souls are energy. Perhaps when people die, people’s souls transform into different levels or types of energy. My mom says, “dreams don’t come true in one generation.” We have come this far in evolution through the sacrifices of our ancestors and some of us are probably finishing our previous generations’ unfinished business (or un-achieved dreams). This goes on and on from generation to generation. We pass our passion through our DNA to our off-springs as a form of some already-existing information imprinted into our consciousness (not only in our genes). It is also possible that each of our souls is a transformation of the collective consciousness of many souls, not just one soul.

Now, there are true stories of people who remembered their past lives incidents and have been able to prove their claims. I am not saying it cannot happen. God almighty can make anything happen and some people might have been given those rare chances. But if you believe in monotheistic religious concepts, I would like to ask the age-old common question: that if there is a day of judgment, heaven, and hell, then for which of our lives we will be punished or rewarded, if we had many lives? If we really had many births, why most of us cannot recall those past lives? What is the point of being born many times if you cannot remember what you did right or wrong the last time?

My opinion is, it is partly due to our DNA from our ancestors and partly having a developed soul from previously transformed soul(s), we feel like we are being reincarnated. But each of us is given only one life on earth and this is a test for us. Our spirits are part of God almighty who is the supreme source of energy, we came from him and eventually, we will all go back to him after death.

What is your opinion on this?

Life Hack Tips: HOW To Make Good Decisions

Previously I have posted an article about when we should avoid making important life decisions. If you have not read it, then check this out:

Life Hack Tips: When you should NOT make a big decision (by Tasnia Ponkti)

As I promised there, I am writing a follow-up article on “how” to make good decisions in life. It is going to be a long post, so bear with me. These are the 7 vital steps to make good decisions in life:

1. Know what you want in your life:

Some people find it really difficult to figure out exactly what they want in life. Everyone should have an underlying constitution in their life. What do I mean by that? The Constitution does not change very often with every small change. So your personal values should not change with every step that you take in your life.

For example, let us think about career options. Well, what kind of person are you? What really hooks you when you think about career planning? Is it money, fame, honor, wisdom or is it power? Do not do something because the rest of society is doing it or your family and peers want you to do it.

2. Do your own research:

It is important to be resourceful and informative before making a decision. This is related to the previous point. My mother says, “In order to know what you don’t know, you must know something.” It is important to ask the right questions. How do you start asking the right questions? By knowing your available options and gathering information about those options. Evaluate the pros and cons of a decision.

For example, I frequently answer this type of question on Quora. People ask questions like what are the minimum requirements of a certain university in a certain department? The real answer is, it should already be listed on that university’s official website. That is where doing your own research and gathering basic information comes into play. Now suppose you are deciding your options of attending colleges and you have already been selected into a handful of them. Now how do you make the final decision? In no particular order, the aspects would be major/field, educational value, the rank of the school, ROI (return of investments i.e the current prospects of alumni), cost of attendance and cost of living in the area, weather, vibe and atmosphere of the campus, professors rating, etc. Note that you have to re-arrange these options based on your priority and you also need to physically tour the campus to make your decision.

3.Seek an expert’s opinion/help:

It is more like seeking experts and experienced people’s opinions, but at the end of the day make your own decision. Whether it is about education or renting/buying a house, or starting a new career (I have found from my personal experience that) sometimes there are options available beyond what people think they know. Everyone’s advice is somewhat subjective based on their own experience or personal hidden motives but still, it is important to ask the same question to many people around to get different perspectives and honest criticism. From my harsh personal experience, I have faced many discouragements and many rejections, and sometimes heavy criticism from people including closed ones. Whether it was about moving to a new place or applying to a more competitive university or a job- I heard a lot of “no”s because people thought I simply did not have what it takes. That is when my own resourcefulness came in handy. I still kept trying via different options and finally got what I wanted.

Another thing I have learned, just because someone thinks they are the expert or spent some time in a given career field, does not necessarily mean they can correctly predict everything about a new career option. Which means sometimes there are just no experts and you become your own expert. Have you ever read the monkey’s story? Sometimes people also discourage because they think you cannot do it, as they have never done it or they just don’t want you to do it. So if you are pursuing something very ambitious, keep your ultimate goal to yourself, while you still seek advice from different people. Take advice but do not get persuaded by one-sided strong opinions.

4. Think rationally but do not over-analyze situations:

While it is important to think rationally and seek different views from people, there are certain things in life we tend to make worse, when we over-analyze. Especially when it comes to selecting a partner for a long-term relationship. Trust your instinct or gut feeling. If you have doubts about a certain person, chances are there is something wrong. Our intuition is a gift to us, so it is better to use it when it is required. It is important to listen effectively, observe people and situation analytically. We have to use a balance of rationality and intuition in most cases. There is nothing wrong with being emotional but it needs to be in check.

5. Take action:

Now that you have researched all your options, asked for advice, thought about critically using your best judgment, narrowed down to your final decision about what you want in your life-finally it is time to simply just do it. This is the hardest part for many of us. With the advent of the internet and so many online resources, we sometimes spend a lot of time trying to find a solution but somehow still put the final action on hold. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are doing it as well.

For example, I have spent some time thinking about blogging. Like many of you, I searched many online posts about how to blog, top topics to blog, how to make money by blogging…blah blah, etc. Finally, I thought, isn’t it enough that I love to write as a hobby? And should I just do it for the pure fun of writing and sharing my thoughts? Then I started doing it. Once you start on something, it gets easier to continue even after some initial trials and errors.

6. Be positive, patient and persistent:

Everyone wants to see the result quickly. I was talking about blogging in the previous point. But it’s not just blogging; anything, almost anything good in life, takes time to prosper and grow. Nothing happens overnight. It is really hard to be positive and patient while you are going through a lot in life and want to see the immediate results. Persistence is a whole new level of skill which transforms an ordinary newbie into a successful expert in the field. I have seen many intelligent people lack this skill, which reminds me that persistence is more important than talent or intelligence to succeed in life.

For example, suppose you are looking for a job in your career and have sent hundreds and thousands of applications. You are unemployed or under-employed for a long time. It is hard for you to smile with positivity and act like you are fine while deep down you are feeling the burning of financial stress every moment. No matter how hard the battle gets, keep doing what you’re doing. Keep tweaking your process. If you are sending so many applications and receiving no interview calls, chances are, you are desperately trying almost anything and not what you are really good at. Narrow down your job search based on your field of specialization and your area of interest. Do not send the same generic resume/CV everywhere. People talk about networking so much these days. What is it really? It is about finding the right-minded people in your career who will guide and champion you to your next career destination. Find those people and keep sharing your goals and ideas with them. I personally got into places just by having a conversation about my ideas.

7. Accept the failure and keep moving on:

Did I mention trial and error in one of my previous points? One of the biggest tests of patience is accepting failure and keep going. The reason why we spend so much time seeking answers and not taking action is that we fear failure. Learn from yours and others’ mistakes, make the changes you need to make in your approach and no matter what happens, keep moving on. Never change your goal but be ready to change your methods to reach it. Never stop. You never know how close you are to your destination. I have seen many people giving up when they were very close to reaching their goals. Remember, the final few steps are always harder.

Note that numbers 5, 6 & 7 are part of being a farm in the decision.

Thanks for reading.

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