Tag: Self-Development

The Power Of Visualization In Achieving Life Goals

I am one of the most effective people I know in my life. And that statement is not self-promotion. I pretty much achieve anything I put my mind (and heart) into.

I get asked all the time by my friends, family, peers, and even online how I study, manage my time or how do I focus on my goals, etc.

And  I have written a lot of things on my personal blog and Quora about Law Of Attraction, Mindfulness, Task Management techniques like making to-do-lists, etc all of which are excellent advice to make yourself on track to reach your goals.

Plus, you might as well have your very own technique. Besides, some people don’t like structure or a frame, they prefer flexibility and spontaneity. 

Some also talk about positive self-talk. There is nothing wrong with that. I am sure it might work for some people as well.

Every morning when you can wake-up, start your day by looking in the mirror and say things like, “I am great. Today is a great day and I will be successful, etc.” (Sorry I am not trying to sound cliche).

Except, there is something wrong with thinking about success and failure before realizing your goals. It creates polarity in your mind. Because you have defined what success means to you, you are stressing yourself, even more, trying to chase it, and therefore you never attempt it or follow through till the end because of the fear of failure and rejection.

So instead of all the popular common strategies (I mentioned above), we should initially “realize” the goal.

And the first step of that realization is “visualization” and trying to grasp or sense the final product or destination.

Do you wish to work in a certain position and at a certain company? Imagine yourself already doing that in your mind.

Do you wish to date someone, picture yourself with that person, and think how happy you would be with him/her?

Do you want to buy a home or start a business? Or go to a certain college for a certain major, or earn certain credentials? Picture yourself every day, all day long with such accomplishments while you take your next steps towards that dream.

And make that imagination as detailed as possible, i.e gather more data, learn more or research about the situation, person, position, environment, object, etc and so on. Study it, and think you are part of it and you are already acing it. Climb it, conquer it. And until you do it, don’t stop.

Anytime you cannot realize what outcome you are looking for you should take a pause and rethink to fix that first.

For example, I get asked this question all the time, even on Quora, how long one should study each day to prepare for an exam? Somehow 8-10 hours seems like an ideal number for many.

And I always tell people that studying for 8-10 hours is not the goal here. It is a step that is part of the process. The real goal here is to “show” mastery or prowess in a certain subject or topics in an exam which should lead to high scores. So no matter what you do as a technique, you should verify whether you are reaching the level of proficiency that you can prove in an exam in a given set of time or deadline. So practice, take mock tests, understand the topic well, do whatever you need to do, just do. The number of hours does not matter. It could be 5-6 hours a day instead of 8-10 if one is highly focused on studies without any distraction.

And I can go on and on with many other real-life examples. Visualizing the end goals helps you become more intuitive throughout the process of accomplishing them. You can navigate, make an adjustment, and optimize your process based on the outcome you are expecting.

The majority of the time after I am done picturing clearly what I want to do, I literally observe myself working and sailing towards it.

This is a combined process of Law Of Attraction (LOA) and mindfulness. When you decide what you need to do, you are already orienting yourself towards that.

Now, in the next parts, I will elaborate on how or what else I do to get something done. I will publish the next parts on my Patreon page.

So stay tuned.

How I Deal With Toxic People & How You Should NOT

There are gazillions of posts and videos online about how to deal with toxic or negative people in your life. Today I will share my own perspective as an INTJ-A type female on how to deal with those “bad hombres” (saying it like our beloved(!) US president Donald J. Trump). But I do not recommend these same methods for you since they might turn your life upside down. My life is fine since it is already upside down! So read with a touch of humor and follow if needed with your own discretion.

Note:

If you are not familiar with 16 MBTI personality types,  particularly INTJ-A/T types and what it means to be an INTJ-A female then click all the hyperlinks on this sentence that I have provided, although there are tons of information about this topic online.

My definition of toxic people might differ from yours. I label people as toxic or negative- who always have this ambiguous negative vibe about them, they are manipulative, has very high ego, they think they are always right, way too judgmental about others, jealous about others success/progress, selfish people who act altruistic, bullying others and always complaining and gossiping about others.

So without any further ado let’s get to the point on how to deal with them-

  1.  Ignore toxic people like plague and admit it when confronted

Ignore

Yes, ignore toxic people like they don’t exist and make them second guess themselves about their own existence. So if they ask you why you are trying to ignore them, let them know in precise words why. Be brutally honest and show your detail analysis with appropriate data and chart- why you think they are bad people or what they have done wrong.

2. Show how much you (don’t) give a f**** about toxic people’s opinion

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Yes, please! When manipulative people try to give you some bad advice as if they are in control of your life, tell them, “my life totally revolves around your opinion” and give this expression of the above GIF, unless you have a chance to get beaten up. Yes, people will call you a rude, sarcastic b****. But if you don’t care in the first place about people’s approval then you should not get offended.

3. F**** their bad vibes

bad vibes

Yes, screw bad people’s bad vibes by telling them, “I get a negative vibe from you, are you a good person or are you acting like one !?” At best, give them bad vibes back.

 

4. Speak sarcasm fluently

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Yes, they say-“when you cannot convince them, confuse them”. So be diplomatic like everyone else. But if that is not your thing then, play dark humor with crude smile each time and measure toxic people’s intelligence level.

5.  Be downright confrontational

confronting-your-leader

This is too dangerous even as a humor! No, not like this picture above-but when none of the above method works and it is time for you to get to the point- then with your thorough patience and impeccable logic confront the bad people. Intimidate the f**** outta them and make them defeated. In fact, keep doing that until bad people stop bothering you with their bad presence.

Disclaimer: 

This post should not be taken seriously.

Another weird but useful post just for you:

INTJ Daily Communication Hack

Introducing an eBook For INTJ

 

 

Cherishing The Time of My Struggle

Yes, I was there where some of you are right now. And my life struggle is not over yet, it won’t be over until I die. But as long as we live, no matter what happens in our lives we always keep moving forward to the next phase. While we work very hard to get our next goal, as soon as we get it, we human beings are so ungrateful that we get used to it very fast. We always think, “Okay, now what’s next?” But seldom we reflect on how far we have come in life.

Right now as I am writing this, I am sitting on my bed in a super tiny studio apartment in San Diego. I am a single lady, thinking of my next move in life. I want to find a good life partner and get married. How long do I want to live alone and pay high rent? It is time to get a house and start a family.

As I plan forward for my next life events- I feel slightly impatient. But as of right now-I finished an electrical engineering degree from a pretty well-known school in my career field, bagged a wonderful-stable-career job, got almost a couple of years worth of experience doing the dream stuff I once aspired to do. I am independent and no one is there to tell me what to do with my life.

Right now I am recalling one of those evenings after my graduation. I dipped my feet in the Jacuzzi of our apartment complex, looking at my phone but not really looking, my mind was racing with anxiety of the unknown. I was thinking, “What will happen to me? Why am I not getting any responses from those companies-especially the DoD jobs? How long do they take? Am I already rejected? I had to borrow money from my mom to pay the next month’s bill. How long will this continue?” I breathed a sigh of grief-the one that takes you to the path of depression, the one that makes you feel that none of your attempts are apparently working.

Long story short-I came far far away from that point. And I had many countless of these struggles in my life. I think I should write a series on just those high and low points in my life. No one would believe but deep down, even when things were not working the way I expected-I knew that at the end I will be fine. I always believed in some kind of an end game. If it did not ended well-to me that is not the end. You gotta have trust in something-in you, in God or whatever. I always had trust in God almighty’s master plan- the one that he created for me.

If I knew back then what I have achieved now, I would not spend my free time in tension and anxiety. Instead I would cheer myself up with a pat in the back. I would tell myself that I am doing great and I am portraying the best example of me while struggling.

If I am still alive and well a few years from now, probably I will be upset with my child or my hubby with something trivial and probably I will forget that once I had desired for this very moment in my life. Now that I know from my past experience, instead of being stressed I am enjoying this moment of uncertainty.

bryant-mcgill-your-struggle-strength

Thought of The Night- Arrogance or Confidence?

12/6/2016

10:41 PM

Tonight before going to bed I will share few words about the difference between arrogance and confidence. There is a fine line between these two but often time we blur it. Satan was fallen from the heaven because he refused to obey God due to his pride of being made of fire (in comparison to Adam who was made out of dirt). And ever since then all human being, society and culture, whenever reached the highest level of haughtiness and pride ,ended up in disaster. Just check the history of some people/civilizations/nations who were once reigning but their good times were ceased due to arrogance and evil doing.  I see a pattern in some people. When they show frequent arrogance, I sense their upcoming downfall. And indeed it does happen, every time, without any fail.

But confidence is something else. The self-assurance that we have certain good qualities and we can achieve certain goals if we work hard for it- is in fact vital in a person’s self-development. .”I believe I can do it” is a staple positive attitude towards life that can turn a nobody into somebody within no-times. Arrogance is when instead of being grateful people put their self-entitlement and pride on display. It is a bad thing when they try to use that arrogance to be condescending to others. Some people constantly do that and pass that on as their “confidence”. Arrogance is not confidence. One is from hell and the other takes you to heaven.

My mom always says, “Don’t say I am proud that I am doing this.. rather say, I am grateful that I am getting to do this.” Even changing the words when we speak can help us change our attitude. Let’s keep our feet on the ground and eyes on the prize.

Goodnight guys!

arrogance-is-not-confidence-4-728

Thought of The Night- Contentment

12/4/2016

10:14 PM

I am really sorry folks! I have not been blogging regularly for a while. I am getting sidetracked in my daily work routine. Everyday I come home thinking tonight I will write something, but somehow feel really tired. I recently downloaded a phone app called “Design Home”. So that keeps me busy for a few minutes before going to bed.

But tonight I have decided to write on the topic called “Contentment”. What is contentment? “A state of happiness and satisfaction.”

Really, feeling content and grateful is the key to happiness.

Happiness is not based on money, career or anything else. It is based on our state of mind. But does contentment mean killing your ambition, goal and drive? No, at least not for me.

I always have personal goals and ambition-be it about my career, life-style or spiritual well being. The best thing I learned from my experience is not to have any kind of attachment or self-entitlement with my dreams while I am trying to achieve them. I don’t think “I have to” get that job at that particular company, or go to that prestigious school to get that degree or buy a luxurious house in that posh neighborhood. I don’t think if I don’t get all these my life is losing its purpose. I now-a-days actually think like “what if” I get it instead of “I must” get it. My change of perspective has helped me stay calm and positive. It has helped me to stay stress and anxiety free. This approach has actually helped me to get things done while being patient and persistent in my path.

The past has passed and no one has seen the future yet. So lets feel content with what we have for now. Let’s take it each day. Be grateful guys!

Goodnight!

Life Hack Topic: Mindfulness

 

What is mindfulness? It is a state of being aware or conscious at the present moment. Why am I talking about this today? Because mindfulness is very important in our daily lives to be happy and successful. I attended a career development session last year and mindfulness was taught for about a few weeks with a lot of emphasis before moving on to resume writing and the job-hunting process.

Imagine you are attending a lecture or listening to your boss for some important instructions, but your mind is drifting away somewhere else. Or you made some serious mistakes because you were not paying attention. Just one small mistake one day can make you pay a big price. So it is extremely important to concentrate better, to be mindful, to be awake at the present moment (however you want me to describe). One of the keys to success is effective listening and we need to be mindful in order to listen better.

Some spiritual coaches talk about consciousness and they use a lot of fancy words and claim they can help people become more aware of themselves. In all essence, they are talking about mindfulness. 

Why is it hard for a lot of us to be mindful? If you notice carefully, when we are not mindful, we are either thinking about some past events or some imaginary future events. We think about the past because-either we want to re-live some happy moments or we wish we could have changed certain things of the past. We contemplate the future because we are either planning something or we are suspecting something good or bad might happen. Now we cannot change anything in the past nor do we have any control over the future. So why spoil the present moment for things which are not in our control? The worst part is, when we are stressed, we tend to be less mindful.

How do you become mindful? I am sharing with you a very simple trick. Whenever you find yourself lacking focus, just breathe in and breathe out, bring your concentration to your breathing exercise for a few moments. Let all other thoughts pass. Activate your senses while you are doing it. Try not to think of anything else. Just concentrate on your existence. Do this simple trick everyday everywhere. It will be hard at first, you will find yourself going in and out of your awareness. But don’t give up, keep practicing. You can spend some quiet time every day doing this mindfulness meditation. Prayers do help a lot as well if you have any particular faith. But you should always be doing this, whenever you are finding yourself not paying enough attention.

Life Hack Tips: When you should NOT make a big decision

Being decisive is one of the greatest gifts of life. People who can make the right decisions for important events in their lives, achieve more success and happiness. Sometimes we do have to act quickly at the moment. But if you have the choice of taking your time, avoid making big decisions during these three periods below:

1. When you are angry:  

When we are mad, we tend to act at the spur of the moment which sometimes does irreparable damage that cannot be undone later. It is important not to lose your calm and not to make a bad judgment on impulse. If you think you won’t get in trouble for speaking your mind, do it without raising your voice. While it is important to let people know your standpoint, it is also advisable not to do it in a hurtful manner. When we are angry, we tend to say or do things that do the maximum damage to the person or people we are against at that moment. Later we realize our mistake but it is too late by then. So stay quiet, take your time and think through the situation later, which will help you make rational decisions. angry

2. When you are going through bad times in your life: 

You are sad, depressed, have anxiety, you are simply going through some rough patches in your life. Whether you are financially broke, lost your job, struggling to get your dream career, going through break-ups, physically ill, or simply in a bad situation, don’t take very big steps during those tough times. People usually have low self-esteem during sad times and act desperately to get out of those situations quickly.  People in dire situations fall prey to con artists and scams. Family, society and peer pressure are also liable sometimes to make someone feel desperate in low times. But think for yourself, no matter how much life tests you, have patience. With patience and persistence, you can change your fate for the better. Drugs and alcohol also provoke bad judgment, so avoid these as well.

sad

One good example is- suppose, you have recently broken up from a long relationship and feel very lonely. Your family and friends are asking you to find someone as soon as possible and you are looking for another partner from a revengeful perspective. Take your time instead. Don’t get into another relationship out of desperation. It will be broken sooner than the last one. Get on a long term commitment when you think you’ve found the right person and you think you are ready. Until then, wait.

3. When you are super excited and happy: 

People tend to overestimate their abilities and tend to make big promises when they are super happy and excited. Your dark days are finally over and you are thankful for those people that have been next to you through this time. While you do want to give it back, remember that promises are often broken but attempts become rather successful.excited.png

One good example can be- If you have gone through some financial crisis in the recent past and now are financially stable, do not take up a higher standard of life right away and don’t promise-making big donations that you cannot keep up. Learn from your past experience and be frugal. Save money for a better future. And do help back those who have helped you but do what is affordable for you.

Moral: Patience is the key.

So I will write a different article on how to make good decisions. Stay tuned and share this article if you have enjoyed it.

Edit: I have already posted:

Life Hack Tips: HOW To Make Good Decisions (By Tasnia Ponkti)

Life Hack Tips: Task Management & Productivity (from a lazy person’s guide)

I am not calling anyone out lazy but I am simply sharing my own experience as a lazy person. I have finished school and have a full time job as an engineer now. My image among my peers and co-workers is portrayed as a hardworking and disciplined person. Disciplined, organized and lazy they don’t seem to fit in the same sentence, do they? But I am originally lazy, yet at the same time have a competitive nature. The competition is not with someone else but rather with myself. There is another thing that works behind that competitive mentality and that is called-anxiety, fear of screwing things up. Now that is a whole different topic, which I will touch another day. Because of my competitive mind, I push myself to be pro-active and a go-getter. I haven’t reached perfection at every level but have made a lot of progress following my own tricks in the past few years.

In my own experience, the number one rule of success in life is called “persistence & perseverance”. In an age of social media, our biggest challenge is to stay on top of our goals without getting distracted. How many of you have thought that, when you get home you will study a bit more about certain topics or get certain things done, yet end up wasting time surfing through Facebook wall, Instagram feed and YouTube videos? Well, I am no exception. I still do that. And I have my own fair share of days when I get pretty much wasted without getting much done. I also have days when I am a peak performer. On those days not only I get most of my things done, sometimes I do even more than I planned.

These are the simple steps that I take.

1. Make a To-Do List:

I know some of you will say you have tried that and it doesn’t quite work for you, you wanna go with the flow blah blah. But it is important to prioritize work specially when you are juggling through multiple tasks. You can go fancy by using alarms, event reminders, to-do-list on your phone etc. But I simply write my things down with a pen on a notebook. Writing with hands does something to me, It helps me remember my tasks. As if I am stacking those list in my brain instead of in the notebook. I don’t even have to carry my notebook with me for the day, I remember it anyway after brainstorming and writing them down. I think that should be the goal. My mom makes a grocery list, forgets to bring it to the store and ends up buying more stuff than she listed while missing some important ingredients. LOL. So your goal is to remember your tasks, no matter how you do it. I make a rough weekly plan and also specific daily plans as well as a monthly plan for paying bills on time. Checking things off from the list as I get them done is very fulfilling to me. I divide a big task into smaller chunks and prioritize them. Make “sorting emails” an important part of your list whether it is work email or your other emails. Checking emails and replying promptly helps you get an idea of the work, event or correspondence that you will follow to keep up.

2. Stick to your plan:

Half of doing is believing that you can.

We have all probably made plans but sticking to the plan is the biggest challenge. Read the written list in between your down time to keep yourself on track. Make or read a list and try if you can back to your leisure. I don’t know about you, but it is almost like some alarm clocks start ticking in my head from the moment I make up my mind about getting something done. And I cannot relax in the same way after that.  I do use alarms and reminder occasionally for big events.  I am big about finishing things before deadline. I also reward myself in between tasks-whether it is food or snack, stretching, walking, checking on phones or listening to some music etc.

I must emphasize, please do not keep changing your plan just because it was hard for you to keep up with it the first time. Stick to it, make smaller flexible changes as you need and learn though your trials and errors. Learning to write computer programming? Playing piano? No matter how bad you are at first, stick to your plan and keep a track of your progress. The key behind success is steady progress. I see it quite often among highly intelligent people juggling through ideas and changing them way too quickly which ends up with no result.

3. Stay away from social media while you are at your work:

Now I am blessed because I cannot take any phone or outside devices to my labs or main work premises and our usage of internet is limited to work related email and research. Because I don’t have any choice of checking on my Facebook wall, Quora or Instagram feed, I use the time very efficiently at work. Without those distraction we tend to get things done faster. So if your work place is not like mine then turn off your phone/put it on silent mode or deactivate your social media accounts while you are in some serious business. Deactivate all phone notifications. Or just better if you don’t have any social media account to begin with. Sounds a bit archaic but if that makes you more productive then go for it. I do use social media in my advantage, to keep up with the updates, to keep in touch but try to control the over-usage.

4. Keep a diary:

You can keep a to do list and diary all in the same notebook or you can separate it by categories. One for work and one for home. If you are keeping a diary at work then refrain from writing too much personal details. The idea is to keep a track of the task progress in your own words.If you are multi/bi-lingual, working in an English speaking country, you can write in your own native language. I personally find writing diaries in my own language very therapeutic. At home I write diaries to vent but still refrain using too much personal details and names. As long as I understand what I write is fine for me. I write down important details and events that took place that day and I also write down possible outcome of a future event (!). I know it might sound interesting but even though sometimes things don’t go exactly as I planned, it makes me mentally prepared for the worse. For example, If I write I won’t lose temper in a certain ongoing stressful situation, I do see myself keeping a calm demeanor throughout the day.

4. Other things you can do to be more productive

Getting rid of stress is very important to be productive. Although I am not very religious, I pray to de-stress. No matter what religion you follow (or don’t follow anything), take some time to do some prayers or meditation everyday. Spend some quiet time with your self. Shut those chatter and noises in your head. The simple rule to relax your brain is, if in the back of your head you are thinking about some possible (worse) outcome of an imaginary situation, don’t follow through. simply change your mind from it. Or just write it down in your diary-what is bothering you.

I do travel, take a walk by the beach (I live in San Diego), take pictures, enjoy fine dining, like to cook, like to dress well, get a massage, read a book, write etc. Coffee is important to me. It keeps me going. Although I have skipped breakfast in the past (which is very bad), now-a-days I take the time to eat something healthy in the morning. Usually few hours in the morning are pick hours to be most productive. So when you have a breakfast, not only you feel more energetic during that time, you also end up eating less at lunch. I am trying to get into a routine of exercising. I do walk regularly. If it is hard for you to fall asleep at night faster, I would suggest finish dinner by 6 pm, do a bit of exercise, take a quick shower, write few lines or read few pages of a book, it should be enough to make you tired and go to sleep. Proper sleep and diet is important. I did not always have a sound sleep and proper diet during my hectic college years. But these are pretty staple to stay energetic and active.

Now-a-days I don’t get much time to draw pictures but I  used to spend down time in creative art before. Now-a-days I read about technologies or do some side gig in my down time. If you have some creative hobbies, keep up with it on the side. Have a pet! I I love puppies and kittens. Currently I don’t have a pet but I spent times with my siblings’ pets a lot. Having pets are very relaxing. Some people make a bed or clean table to de-stress. It does not work for me but it might work for you.

Share in the comment if you have more exciting ideas or tips to stay focused on your daily goals.