Well, before I go to bed, I am thinking about writing some thoughts down.
I once saw this quote from a character in a Bollywood movie which is something like this, “We eventually forget each other thinking that she (or he) doesn’t remember (or think of) me then why should I.” I forgot which movie it was or the actor playing the character. If anyone remembers please let me know in the comment below. Also, correct my translation if needed. I just took the gist of it.
Anyway, that line stuck with me and it reminded me of the problem with long-distance relationships and the effect of the lack of intimacy. From my experience and what I have observed from other people’s lives is that long-distance relationships usually don’t work.
It is a sad reality. Especially in this time of global pandemic when we are stuck at home away from our loved ones- this is a serious issue.
“Out of sight, in fact, does become out of mind.”
I hope we gather the patience that we need to deal with this tough time and keep staying in touch with the people we love until we meet them hopefully soon.
The Thought of The Night- “Revenge Is Self-Consuming”
12:51 am (EST)
It is past my usual bedtime.
It’s been really long since I have written something on this “thought of the night” series on my WordPress blog. The last time I had written something like this blog post was back in 2017. It goes to show that I lack consistency in my hobbies.
Hobbies are for relaxation and unwinding ourselves in leisure, but still, a bit of consistency goes a long way I think.
Today I will talk about how I felt vengeful at certain times in the past, but life kept happening and I kept moving forward instead. And I am so glad that I did (move forward).
Yes in the grand scheme of things moving forward and trying to live better or do better is the best thing you can do.
I know, I know- this sounds cliche and I have heard this typical suggestion from friends and family whenever I was in some deep sh*t and needed some uplifting.
Today I am not trying to write some of those age-old cliche lectures on how karma is a b*tch and time heals everything. What goes around, comes around… Blah blah!
Karma is true, though, and time heals most things (well it puts certain painful memories in some locked compartments in our mind) but not everything.
But for me not trying to get even with the people who either tried to harm me or got in my way to achieve something, was not about karma. Neither were they about my feelings. Although my wounds are still there, being the pragmatic person I am, I always let my head lead me at the end.
I did the mental math and played different scenarios in my head, and in most cases, it just seemed counterproductive to get back at people who were against me. The amount of energy one needs to take to plan revenge, can be used to transcend that situation by moving forward quickly and effectively. Besides, one needs to look back and live in the past to take revenge, whereas I like my future potential more.
So revenge is self-consuming. Also, because it has the potential to add more uncertainties and more risks to already existing miseries.
Yes, there are however severe situations in life where getting back at enemies with effective steps is important. Seeking justice for oneself and others is oftentimes a moral duty.
Otherwise, the daily narcissists, sociopaths, passive aggressors, bullies, parasitic leeches, soul-sucking vultures should be avoided and ignored at all costs.
A new job comes after a job loss, and good health (sometimes) comes after bad ones, good fortune comes after the financial crisis, a good relationship mends a broken heart. And even if people die, they just die, full stop. Perhaps there is a new beginning after death as well.
None of these are the end of anything. Perhaps destroying or ending enemies is not necessarily the goal of taking revenge.
The best revenge is when you make the negative people in your life gradually irrelevant like they don’t matter- neither to you nor to society.
The first step of that is, effectively seeking justice (if it is possible) and doing better things than what has been damaged. And the second is to remove these individuals from your life. Sometimes some of these people are your closed ones. It is irresponsible to remove them or ignore them completely from your life. But at least keep a respectable distance and even if you are giving them any entry back into your life, don’t be the same as you were before. Make them realize that what you have been through and as a result your current equation with them is the updated version from past mistakes.
People who harm you, don’t harm them back, but you should openly and genuinely talk about your experience so others know what you are going through. Sometimes this is not possible, at least immediately, because narcissistic sociopaths are very big about their reputations. But eventually, other people need to learn about them, words should be spread out so that, more people don’t become victims of such aggressors
Anyway, that’s it for today…
Hopefully, I will bring a new topic for another day.
I am writing this series after a really long time. I am sorry guys that I have been very busy lately.
So tonight I will talk about a pretty important topic. The majority of cultures and societies around the world teach us “not to be” confrontational. But there is a fine line between speaking our mind and at the same time not sounding rude. Once you master that, your personal and professional life can become bliss.
I have always been an introvert and like most introverts, I have been misjudged and bullied. At a certain point during my teenage years, I felt like I had had enough. I started coming out of my shell and pretty much started flipping people’s minds with my straightforwardness. The “once introvert (miss-understood as shy) little girl” started saying things like it is. Teenage years are the time of character building. By that time I figured out that I am a dignified emotional being and if someone has said or done something to me which I didn’t like, I must speak upright when it is happening, not after the event had taken place. Because if I don’t, I will keep thinking about it the whole day subconsciously which would create an unnecessary bad vibe in my mental environment. We always make a choice between our own mental peace and people’s acceptance. I am a go-geter and for me, my mental harmony is of absolute importance. I put my mental peace on a pedestal. If my mind is not at peace, it gets in my way of getting things done.
But throughout my personal experience, I learned, “it is not what you say but how you say that makes the difference.” I am not saying you always have to put a fake smile on your face and be passive-aggressive about your feelings. But sometimes a sense of humor is necessary. The same thing- when I said it with a serious face was taken differently as opposed to when I laughed and made a joke about it. It is all in the vibe and the way we articulate it. Vibration/energy or personal aura is a very debated topic but comprises a big part of our non-verbal communication. When your boss smiles at you asking to do something with a “pretty please”- he/she is giving you order in a polite manner- and you do understand it very well. It is important to observe and read people’s intentions. Good intention is all that matters even when people are making you upset.
Guarding the tongue while listening to others first- is an important step as once what comes out of our mouth cannot be taken back. We must be thoughtful and empathetic to others. But at the same time, it is important to precisely articulate our opinion without being arrogant and moving forward with life without breeding any grudges. I learned through experience that you cannot make everyone happy. Some people will dislike you anyway for whatever reason. Do not hide your disagreements and let it build until one fine day it reaches the point of blowing things up. Speak your mind politely when it is time to do so and never regret it. People who are your well-wishers will stand by you even when you agree to disagree with them.
Tonight before going to bed I will share few words about the difference between arrogance and confidence. There is a fine line between these two but often time we blur it. Satan was fallen from the heaven because he refused to obey God due to his pride of being made of fire (in comparison to Adam who was made out of dirt). And ever since then all human being, society and culture, whenever reached the highest level of haughtiness and pride ,ended up in disaster. Just check the history of some people/civilizations/nations who were once reigning but their good times were ceased due to arrogance and evil doing. I see a pattern in some people. When they show frequent arrogance, I sense their upcoming downfall. And indeed it does happen, every time, without any fail.
But confidence is something else. The self-assurance that we have certain good qualities and we can achieve certain goals if we work hard for it- is in fact vital in a person’s self-development. .”I believe I can do it” is a staple positive attitude towards life that can turn a nobody into somebody within no-times. Arrogance is when instead of being grateful people put their self-entitlement and pride on display.It is a bad thing when they try to use that arrogance to be condescending to others. Some people constantly do that and pass that on as their “confidence”. Arrogance is not confidence. One is from hell and the other takes you to heaven.
My mom always says, “Don’t say I am proud that I am doing this.. rather say, I am grateful that I am getting to do this.” Even changing the words when we speak can help us change our attitude. Let’s keep our feet on the ground and eyes on the prize.
I am really sorry folks! I have not been blogging regularly for a while. I am getting side-tracked in my daily work routine. Everyday I come home thinking tonight I will write something but somehow feel really tired. I recently downloaded a phone app called “Design Home”. So that keeps me busy for a few minutes before going to bed.
But tonight I have decided to write on the topic called “Contentment”.What is contentment? “A state of happiness and satisfaction.”
Really, feeling content and grateful is the key to happiness. Happiness is not based on money, career or anything else. It is based on our state of mind. But does contentment mean killing your ambition, goal and drive? No, atleast not for me.
I always have personal goals and ambition-be it about my career, life style or spiritual well being. The best thing I learned from my experience is not to have any kind of attachment or self-entitlement with my dreams while I am trying to achieve them. I don’t think “I have to” get that job at that particular company, or go to that prestigious school to get that degree or buy a luxurious house in that posh neighborhood. I don’t think if I don’t get all these my life is losing its purpose. I now-a-days actually think like “what if” I get it instead of “I must” get it. My change of perspective has helped me stay calm and positive. It has helped me to stay stress and anxiety free. This approach has actually helped me to get things done while being patient and persistent in my path.
Past has passed and no one has seen the future yet. So let’s feel content with what we have for now. Let’s take it by each day. Be grateful guys!